Parking meter wins annual pool thanks to local moron

Sources confirmed Monday that parking meter 3 has won the annual parking ticket betting pool.

“3,” as she is referred to among her fellow meters, claimed the coveted prize after the deadline Friday. The prize totaled $30 in small change and first pick of next year’s spots.

“Honestly, I was a little worried before Spring Break. My usual guy returned to his car on time like three days in a row! It was a close call, but eventually he blew it and got two tickets last week, which did the trick,” Meter 3 said.

The pool began a year after the university installed the parking meters and has been a tradition among the group ever since.

“They just kept testing fate and hoping 30 or 40 minutes was enough time to make it across campus and back before they got busted. It was hysterical,” Meter 5 reported.

According to the group, most of the squares feature new transfer students and some freshmen. Some stay on the board for a few semesters, but all of them are repeat offenders. Ironically, all have parking permits for colored lots.

“I mean, you would think they would learn to pay for the whole two hours, or park in green, but they just keep missing the mark. Ridiculous. So we keep betting on who gets the most tickets in a semester. It’s great,” Meter 3 said.

The VanCougar was able to catch up with psychology major Grant MacDonald, whose 20th ticket this year won Meter 3 the purse, as he was racing to the metered lots.

“I try to park in green except when I’m late, and I never remember to bring enough change. The cops get me every time. I’ve gotten away with it maybe once. I’ve got parking tickets stacked deep, deep, deep up to my neck at this point,” MacDonald said.

The meters said they have no intention of giving up the game, and look forward seeing who will be the hot action this fall.

“It never fails. Every year there are two or three who just won’t learn. And we hope they never do,” Meter 3 said.

Lieutenant Dave Stephenson could not be reached for comment.

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